Sleeplessness

This is actually from Wed. night/ Thurs early am.... plenty of dramas since then, as it goes round here but literally too exhausted to post.  Perhaps I will end up doing what I did for this one which was write it on my blackberry at 4:30 in the am and then e-mailing it to myself to copy and paste days later when I have the time.  Feeling a little overwhelmed this week, perhaps it is my upcoming trip, the restless baby I have or Christmas just around the corner... in any case sleeplessness is the condition!
My heart is racing, my eyes are burning, my back aching, I'm rocking furiously, and patting him methodically and just when I think the only thing left in me to do is scream I look down into the face of the little boy tightly clutched in my arms; quiet peaceful with closed eyes.
Could it be he's finally gone back to sleep? Since Jacob wakes at 4:00am but does not scream or cry just litghtly fusses and coos I have decided not to feed him anymore when he wakes at this time. I don't want to get him in the habit of waking for an unecessary feed in the middle of the night. 
All of this is requiring disipline I fear my sleeplessness does not allow me the strength I need. At bedtime I should be more vigalant about keeping him awake until at least 10pm and making sure his last feed is big enough to hold him through the night.  When he wakes at 4am I also need to rush to his bassinett less for the littlest whimper or cough. He needs to learn to self soothe better but my problem is at 4:00am when the wind has been howling all night crashing things across the deck allowing only for a light sleep- a little whimper from the bassinett next to the bed sounds like a fierce cry for help that I could never ignore. Its the sound that doesn't fit in with all the other creaks, moans and howls and because of this requires imediate attention.
So how does it end? There is no rocking or highback chair with a footstool to fall asleep in. Once I've stopped the patting and the rocking I can't put him down for he'll wake again. The simple solution for the next two hours before the alarm goes off is snuggle him close and gently try to lay myself flat and pray that his paci doesn't fall out or if it does he can find his thumb and just give me a few more hours of sleep!

Luck of the draw

I have only given myself 20mins. of computer time tonight. I am exhausted because Jacob was up all night with his new cold but also because I have a new internet site obsession.  It is this site that a friend got me hooked on and I could literally spend all night on it.  Not a good idea when you have a newborn who is testy about sleeping through the night as is... like they always say SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS!  That seems impossible because these days the only solid sleep he seems to get is in the car.  Enough about sleep anyway,
yesterday I broke down and got myself a new jogger stroller.  Well not brand new- from E-Moo of-course! (Bermuda e-bay site)  After I bought it I could have kicked myself, the lady killed me with her sad story of not being able to go home for Christmas... so I bought it with all 3 tires deflated! As I drove away I thought to myself... well done you just bought someone else's crap, isn't this what you were trying to replace already?! Luckily when I went to the gas station to pump up the tires the nice man who felt the need to assist me (I guess I didn't look like I knew what I was doing) was really impressed with it.  Granted he had never seen a jogger stroller before and was amazed that they made strollers with brakes now and everything.  In any case he got me excited about it and by the next morning the tires were still inflated so all in all a good $50 spent!
As luck would have it, today I was also informed by a ferry worker that my missing wheel which I was sure found its fate at the bottom of Hamilton Harbour was sitting in the ticket office waiting to be collected.  Just yesterday I made contact with someone who was selling a board on e-moo.  As my luck goes when we went to retrieve the wheel, it had been lost in the ticket office somewhere... so apparently it wasn't ment to be with that one!
The wind has settled after a windy weekend and start to the week so hopefully tomorrow we will start putting up lights for the annual Dockyard light competition. :)
Sweet dreams xoxo

Rock-a-by-baby

WOOHOOO! Its not even 9:00pm and I have Jacob down (hopefully for the night) in his bassinet and Daddy is putting Marley to bed in her bunk. Last night Jacob had a great sleep (almost 9 hours!) He went down at about 6pm and didn't wake until 2am; hopefully tonight we can shift that to 9pm-7am.  I've been having a rough time the last couple of month with getting up for Jacob's feeds, I just don't do well getting woken out of a sleep; I am a very light sleeper to begin with.
I am a little spoiled though and no one should really listen to my whining because Marley was an incredible baby and slept through the night (8pm-6am) almost right out of the hospital and so for the last 2 and a half months I have been complaining about Jacob who I must add never cries or is inconsolable but does get up every 4 hours.  After brunch with some other new mommies I realize I need to shut my mouth. I am complaining about NOTHING! and now look at him tonight! Sleeping like an angel.
I really put it down to the boat. Some people say i'm just lucky. Some are kind enough to say that we are calm parents so that's why our children are so easy but I put all the power into the environment we have created for them.  How could one not be calm and feel soothed when there is a gentle breeze of clean air coming in through the hatch, a slight buzz of a fan or the cradling of the hull as we slightly rock back and forth? Just writing that made me sleepy! BLISS!
Before we had Marley as new 'parents to be' we looked into all the new baby gear we would need.  We even bought an $700 baby hammock that we were sure would cure us of colicky baby screaming down the marina.  However we never used it as she really was an amazing baby. (I still have it for sale should an land lovers need a simulation of our 'nursery' for their sleepless baby).
I had a whole other topic for tonight's post but I think I will leave it for another day and enjoy the peace that is this evening.  Sleep tight all!

Jacob tonight just hours before his peaceful slumber enjoying playing on our bunk under a breezy open hatch!